Epiphanies

This whole semester I feel as though I have been chased by the word epiphanies! While watching commercials, TV shows, overhearing conversations, classmates, teachers, books.. The word Epiphany is everywhere! I guess I thought that being in a class that tried to focus only on the idea of an Epiphany would have helped me acheive an epiphanic moment. Unfortunately, I have come to the understanding that you can not acheive a pre-conceived epiphany. It is not something that you can plan. And I know that now. It is okay that I have not had one this semester, but I think that when the time finally comes that I do, I will know exactly what it is!

I remember a few years ago I thought that if I went to some place on earth, that I would have an epiphany just from seeing it. I never talked about the picture that is on my blog for this class, but that picture is of that particular place. I was having a bad fall a few years ago, and decided that I should go to South America. I booked a ticked and left a week later with my best friend. The only place I wanted to see was that mountain. We arrived in Santiago Chile, and after two weeks on grimy busses, we arrived at Torres Del Paine national park. It was cloudy, so we could not see the mountains. So, we decided to hop on a boat that would take us across the lake to where we would begin our long trek to the mountain. As we were half way across the lake, the clouds broke and the mountain showed itself to us! The picture I have on my blog is the one I took at that moment, with a disposable camera. Unfortuantely, other than it being beautiful, I did not feel like it was as epiphanic of a moment as i had wished for. However, looking back at it now, maybe an epiphany can be purely aesthetic, for that mountain was probably the most beautiful place that I have ever been. 

Anyways- next time I feel like I want to find my way in life, or have an epiphany that is going to show me that, I dont think I am going to book a plane ticket to south america to do so... I think an epiphany can happen anywhere, and can never be planned or pre-conceived. It just is.

Here was the intro for my paper presentation that I gave in class.

I have been constructing my paper idea for quite a while now, but the other day I happened to stumble across a Frank Zappa quote that kind of explains my topic in a nutshell.

“The most important thing in art is the frame. For painting: literally; for other arts: figuratively - because, without this humble appliance, you can't know where The Art stops and The Real World begins. You have to put a "box" around it because otherwise, what is that shit on the wall?”
-Frank Zappa

For my paper I played with different box metaphors to explain my life and college career, and I related it all back to Burnt Norton. I took his ideas of time/memory, and described them as being a box in itself, that is compartmentalized in our “cabinets of curiosity” making all of our thoughts and memories eternally present.  In the end, I came to the conclusion that the framework for our lives is a constant, but the story is constantly evolving and changing within the limitations of the frame we have each created. So, how you choose to place, fill, or empty the boxes within that frame is up to you.

The framework for my presentation is complete, but the story is not. Like with our blogs, we have a frame that surrounds the class, readings and themes, but the stories within that frame are never complete because the students in the class keep them going by reading others blogs, giving advice and bouncing ideas off one another. In the end, I found it fitting that my presentation not only involves my ideas, but also some feedback from the class as well.

My Paper Presentation

I thought that I would include the madlib that I presented in class-


Everyone and everything in our world is contained by something. A car is used for driving but not for running.  A bird flies around the sky but does not flap in the ocean. And boxes are meant to be filled then emptied, opened and closed. Everything on our planet has limits, but regardless, if we don’t challenge ourselves in life we risk becoming stagnant or green. However, some people are unable to find this balance because of all the wall marts we carry around with us that contain the memories from the past and the expectations for the future. If these wall marts are not compartmentalized and stored properly, then they become eternally present, turning them into baggage rather than something cherished. When people figure out how to label these different types of boxes, such as the past being only the past, the future being the future, and the present being like a majestic garden, then the boxes these are contained by can be stored away individually, rather than existing in one large box with no organization. Organized or unorganized, it is all still a part of us. I don’t want my paper to seem like a self-help cliche, urging people to “think outside the shoe”, but instead I want people to become aware that these shoes are always inside them, and no matter what we do we can not escape containment, we can only learn how to function within the framework that our lives have laid out for us.  In the end, everything on this earth has different limitations, which is why everything fits into a different dragon than everything else, and because of this, my paper deals with the idea that we are “Caught in a form of limitation Between un-being and being.” The only way for us to reach that ultimate form of being is different for all of us; some will escape this limitation if they are able to empty their boxes, while others will only achieve it after all their boxes are full. Some will spank their cows, while others will sing their trees. Kari will Carry, Katie Mason Masons, Brianne Breezes, Pat pats, and Tai doodies.(verb) Even though this process is different for all, a person is able to achieve their own epiphany once they are able to either fill, or empty, “the inner freedom from the practical desire, The release from action and suffering, release from the inner And the outer compulsion, yet surrounded….” (Elliot 16) “Turning shadow into transient beauty.” (elliot 17)

Individual Paper Presentations

These past few weeks have been really interesting and fascinating for all the paper presentations I have listened to have been so amazing! I think that everyone did a really great job connecting their own stories with epiphanies, as well as relating their papers to the literature that has effected them the most! A few of my favorite include:

I love how many people talked about living in the present, and ideas of past/present/future in relation to acheiving an epiphany! It was interesting how both Brianne and Lisa touched on this subject, but both had a different idea than the other.

Once again I am choosing favorites, but out of all the papers I read, I enjoyed reading Samanthas the most. First, I love how she made it aesthetically pleasing by putting it in a journal, but how fitting it was because she wrote her own sort of reading journal that summed up her years of college! By using the class themes, her own personal/and made up stories, as well as many other sources and books she has been influenced by over the past few years, she created an interesting and personal piece of work that I hope she will keep and show her own children some day!

Robert Loomis wrote a really great story, and I wish I could have heard him read the whole thing during his class presentation. Sometimes hearing someone from the voice of the person that wrote it makes it so much better!

Tai- you are so great at making something depressing seem humorous, and I love that about you.

And Nick, I really liked how you used the idea of noise/silence in order to achieve an epiphany. I have not had time to read your whole paper on line yet, but I plan on it!.

There were so many great papers and I am sorry for not including everyone, but great job!  I think that you all ended your college careers on a great note!

Burnt Norton

I keep going back to Burnt Norton this semester. Because it was the section of the Four Quartets that my group in capstone covered, I read it at least twenty times, maybe even more... (I only read it so much because I have based my capstone paper around it.) Anyways- I was going through my notes and realize how interested in the "point" and past, present and future I have been. I thought that I would share some of the things I discovered and thought was noteworthy.

-Time and conciousness are abstract principles.

-however expansive and infinite time is, it is controlled by the present. And whatever actions are done in the present control what happened and will happen in the past and future.

-past and future are always contained in the present.

-conciousness implies a fixed perspective while time is characterized by a transient relativity. (around the fixed point of the present)

-memory vs. temporal existance- which allows for the moments of greatest beauty.

-ruins are a symbol of the fultility of human aspirations and particularly the futility of trying to alter the natural order.

-coherence never existed at all. things did not once make sense and now seize to do so. Meaning and human experiene are necessarily mutually exclusive.

-only art is able to acheive transcendance over time.

-living for the future, while remembering the past- does this make it so a persons conscious is never completely in teh present?

-"the point" the one point that things never ascend, decline. from nor towards. it is still. it is in the complete present of consciousness.

Presentation Week

My Paper Presentation

Well, tomorrow is the day that I present. Its been a long time coming, but it is finally here. Im not going to post my whole paper yet but here is my opening paragraph to give everyone an idea of what its about. Its rough, but its all finally coming together!

“The most important thing in art is the frame. For painting: literally; for other arts: figuratively- because, without this humble appliance, you can’t know where The Art stops and The Real World begins. You have to put a “box” around it because otherwise, what is that shit on the wall?”  
-Frank Zappa

    Yesterday marked the fifteen-year anniversary of her father passing away. While many were out enjoying the coming of spring, she sat alone on her couch and stared at the artwork on her walls; the first pieces of art her father had ever purchased. He was only a few years older than she when he bought them, and the girl wondered if her father had seen the same things in the paintings that she did now.  As she gazed around her living room, she began to feel even more overwhelmed with nostalgia. She realized just how many of her parents old possessions decorated the walls and tables, and how each piece told their own unique story from the past.  She found it hard to admire the art for its beauty alone, and her thoughts kept drifting to a different place in time. It seemed as though everywhere she looked, the past began to overcome her more and more, making it impossible for her to detach herself from it.  Memories of the past and expectations for the future create a hindrance by not allowing a person to fully function. By compartmentalizing ones life, a person is able to place their emotions, possessions, memories and self into many different “boxes”, for without a frame, it is easy to find yourself wandering aimlessly through an endless abyss.

"intimidation of the threes"

 Last semester, Dr. Sexson told everyone in our Bible as lit class that everyone should be intimidated of three specific things:  a paper (written by the man, the myth, the legend, Tai Kersten), a drawing from memory and a video posted on anothers someones blog. I did not mention the latter two's names because they are not currently in the capstone with us. Because I am presenting the best paper I have ever written on the last day, I feel rather intimidated by everyone who has gone before me. Like Rian said, the "anxiety of influence" is giving me a swift kick in the behind.

As I blogged about earlier this semester, the main metaphor I am using in my paper has to do with boxes. I was initially going to also incorporate past, present and future tenses, but after hearing presentations such as briannes and lisas, I am going to have to change my path in fear of redundancy. However, this is okay, because after going through my archives, I remembered that my Nabokov paper touched on this subject, and repeating the same idea does not sound like too much fun.

Anyways, congrats to everyone that has already gone. Your papers are interesting and engaging, and because of this I have been working even harder to try and write something on the same playing field. I re-read the 4 quartets this week, as well as freshening up on other materials, and hopefully have my paper will be dialed and ready by Friday! I am not going to spoil my paper by talking too much about it now, but I will include a short passage that goes along with it..

"If you are sitting in a dark, closed up box, the only things that really truly matter are your own thoughts regarding the past and future; because lets face it, you are sitting in a box."

"Discover"

It's a crazy thing to look back at the past 7 years since graduating high school, and trying to remember everything that was discovered during that time.  This afternoon I opened up all the old files of every class I have ever taken in college, including all my notes, old tests, papers etc. I sat for a moment and tried to recall something I learned from each different class, and while I did remember the general ideas we covered in each class, I could not remember specifics. (the idea that you only remember something by detaching yourself from it did not stand true at this particular moment) So, instead of reading through all my old notes from every class, I only read through the classes I took with Dr. Sexson so I could try to draw connections between them. After skimming the notes, I noticed the word "discover" on every other page. I found this fitting, for isn't discovering what we are all doing in college in the first place? Discovering our interests, discovering new ideas, discovering ourselves? In a way it seemed as though MS was telling me, and all his other students to go out and discover something.. but what? I guess in the end, one thing I discovered was that certain classes had more of an effect on me than others; which is possibly why I am able to only remember specific lessons from the past 6 years of college. Other than one important quote from Greg Keeler, the majority of the "lessons" I wrote down are from MS, which is probably why I continued to take his classes. I thought I would share some with all of you because im sure that others might remember these too.

"There are only two types of writing: Creative writing and plaigarism." -Greg Keeler

The rest of the lessons and quotes are from Dr. Sexson:

1. Dont become attached to anything because it will either end up leaving or breaking down.
2. Dont go for the pretty one, go for the funny one.
3. If we dont teach people things, they will never learn anything.
4. Jesus was born a Jew because there were no Christians when he was born.
5. Go out and have a really bad day.
6. Now go out and have a really good day.
7. Dont put a stumbling block in front of a blind person.
8. The alphabet was only invented once.
9. "God helps those who help themselves." -this is found nowhere in the Bible.
10. An answer closes down discussion and conversation rather than opening it up.
11. The word "testament" comes from a person placing their hand as close to the testacles as possible.
12. Nymphettes are not found in polar regions.
13. And as mentioned in class on Mon., there are no boring books, only boring people.

Ok, yes. I do remember many other things from my college career other than these 14 quotes, but it is possible that I just found these the most entertaining, kind of like Rian's Sexonisms. They are the phrases that I will not easily forget, even after I graduate and move away from Bozeman.